...Is Acceptance

There are some things which will never be. But there are many things which can and will be. I've come to accept that.

I spent my time focusing on what it would take to get me where I wanted to go, and little time considering where I was actually headed. I steered myself into believing that manipulation and control were tools which would allow me to find my self, but in fact, they ended up being the chains that kept me away from it. Each time I struggled to push forward, they pulled me two steps back.

I had created the most wonderful illusion of who and what I am as a masochist. I fed it, nurtured it, proudly showed it off to others as it grew, and eventually clothed myself in it. I wound this illusion so tightly, that I believed it real. And eventually, I fell. I fell hard. Because in order to realize the existence of this illusion of my own making, I needed to. The resounding *splat* was magnificent indeed.

Pain, though an incredible sensation and wonderfully exciting challenge which will endlessly intrigue, fascinate, and stimulate me, is not the means to discovering the core person within. It will not give me the answers, or provide the purpose. It does not define my worth, or sustain my balance. It is exactly only what it is - pain. And I will not be so ignorant or naive in the future to ascribe it any other meaning.

The rest of my self discovery needs to come from letting go of what I think I know, and being open to what I have yet to learn. And whether I believe it entirely at this point or not, it all comes from me.

I've come to accept that.