As a masochist I am asked, more often than any other question, what it is that I receive from pain itself. I've been asked so many times that my answer has been dumbed-down (especially for some people) quite simply to, "I crave the mental and physical stimulation and release which pain provides."
In many ways, there is nothing more to it, than that. I am not after sexual gratification, nor do I have the need for a sense of absolution through punishment for past offenses. I'm definitely not an endorphin junkie, and yes, pain does hurt. In fact, it hurts a lot. That's why it is called pain, and why so many people spend their lifetimes finding ways to avoid it.
So then, what is it really? Am I crazy?
Not quite.
I find my fulfillment from the discovery that pain can provide a genuine challenge to my ability for self-control as a female; as a human being. A contradictory statement in itself, because while the continued struggle to remain in the position to manipulate the intense and overpowering sensations that pain provides, is intoxicating and addictive to my masochism - so too, is the desire to have that compelling drive to resist completely stripped and removed; even, destroyed.
Seen. Exposed. Acknowledged. Manipulated. Used. Discarded.
Released.
Freedom is in surrender. Pain, is but my catalyst.
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