I was asked, by a member of my local group, to write with regards to this topic after enjoying a lengthly discussion with other members, via the irc server. After composing the post, and having delivered it, I thought it might be of interest to offer it here as well, as some who read this, are not members of that particular email list.
I have a penchant towards writing, as some of you may know. There are forums, groups, and even personal blogs where this has been displayed openly through the past few years. It is well known, because of this, that I have certainly been involved with a variety of different kinks and lifestyle choices.
Over the last couple years, I have come to accept the fact that I am a masochist. This knowledge was certainly not always present, even with the blatant and obvious hints that my behavior displayed. In fact, when I entered this group 5 years ago, it was as a dominant female with no design on submission, masochism, or otherwise.
Within the first year, I became increasingly frustrated and even perhaps, angry. I had no idea of the source from which it originated, but I recognized the feeling of stagnation which blanketed my participation as a member; dominance, in any form, did not come naturally to me, nor was it something I could pass off as such, and there was no desire within me to present myself falsely. It was at this time, that I left the group for a couple years, to further invest energy and study in personal development, which was the catalyst for my growth as a female masochist.
I went on my knees before men, and on my belly before them as well. I crawled, pleaded, cried, and begged, in some of the most humiliating and degrading ways. I felt the grip of a man's hand in my hair, and listened to the tone of his words as instructions were delivered to me. I was addressed with titles such as submissive, slave, and slut, and more which were designed to remind me of my place. I learned how to perform tasks, duties, and assignments. How keenly, I felt the pleasure of doing well, and conversely, the displeasure when I did not. I had become what I had feared and misunderstood through my ignorance, and yet, found comfort and a freedom I had not known previously existed within me.
Though, there is always more to be discovered; carefully examined and explored through navigating some of the darker depths that reside in each one of us.
I was brought to uncover my masochism, by way of a man, who perhaps knew more about me than even myself. He encouraged, shaped, and developed the responses his increasing probing found within me, into the female many of you see and know now. He used my intelligence, sexuality, and strength to help me recognize that which I had not acknowledged.
Pain: Such a lovely and beautiful reminder of my own existence. Pain: Such an incredible, breath-taking addition to my sexuality. Pain: Such a unique and unpretentious sensation that leads my mind and body to blissful contentment. A hunger; a burning and raging need, which uncontrolled has the ability to consume and destroy.
I am aware of my own extreme nature. I am aware of the effects that it has upon men and women who see it demonstrated. I understand that in some ways, I frighten others. I realize and appreciate that there are varying levels of comfort, and my scenes may skirt the edges of what is considered safe or sane. I accept my individual expression of masochism, with the risks and dangers associated.
The topic, is Accepting Individual Kinks, and I have begun with myself.
Education and understanding are key essentials to any community. We are a diverse group of men and women, with varying interests and tastes, and each so very uniquely demonstrated. It is hard to look upon any one kink, and fully understand why it is of interest to another, when it feels so foreign. Yet, does this ignorance, allow any of us to sit in judgment of another?
As responsible adults, we are capable of choice. As aware adults, we accept and recognize the choices of others. As kinksters, lifestylers, and players, we respect choice as being inherent for all involvement in BDSM.
This, is where we begin.
0 comments:
Post a Comment